Seeds. Pregnancy. Small things. Big Things.

The Kingdom has been on my mind so much lately.. actually more than lately... there's become more of a groan inside of me to see His Kingdom manifested here on earth. Wherever I walk, wherever I go.  He has been speaking to me about promises and that He will fulfill them. How I am pregnant with promise but its like this little thing inside of you that you can't really see. When you think of promise you think BIG, right? But this promise starts out so small. When God says to have faith as small as a mustard seed... its soo small, but that is all that is required for something large. Something as small as a seed can grow big like a tree! So, this question I've been pondering as I mop the floor at work or while I am driving... if God says to seek first the kingdom,  what does that look like? I mean we are to love God with all our hearts, all our mind, all our soul, ALL of US... but why didn't he say seek first gazing at my face? Why did he say seek first the Kingdom? Because He is love and releasing the Kingdom is loving. When the kingdom is so backwards and upside down compared to the way the world works. It starts out soo small. If this promise has to grow in order to be manifested, how much care and value should be placed on it? So often we have searched for the Flashy and BIG thing, but God is calling for the faithful. To be honest, I have always looked for the destination and becoming who God wants me to be, instead of seeking him in the moment and just being okay with the day to day. Being faithful with the little, not that I haven't been faithful but I haven't been content. I have always wanted to just get to the next thing. While I was at work and just doing my routine, he convicted me and said that there are people right outside the door, right here, right now in this moment that need freedom and hope. You can bring the kingdom in this moment, not when you have a podium or if your well known but right here! God broke me. You know those moments when you just think about the broken  or something that God told you and you weep. You feel his heart beat. He tugged at me to pray that, let me walk in the rhythm of your heartbeat. His heartbeat to bring freedom isn't waiting for when I'm given a podium but is beating and yearning for the ones who don't know right now!!Ahhh.... its so easy to go from Christian meeting to meeting and conference to conference. But I want to live the kingdom, I'm not there yet but I really want this small seed to grow into a big one where I am bearing much fruit no matter if I am working in the market place or if I am on a designated time to go on outreach. I know many people have said, "Shawna why don't you just serve where your at?" My heart wasn't in the right place and He has called me to the nations but its a new season and a grace now to run with a fluid run and releasing the kingdom that I haven't experienced before. Theres this yearning in my heart and its soo good. He is shifting things from My mind saying "God help me out" and turning into "God how can I fulfill the longing of your heart?" I am having a hard time finding the right words to describe what I feel in my spirit. Even though there are small seeds and promises that are made that haven't reached to the surface yet, I feel like something big is about to happen. I am expectant. He is doing something! Even though I don't see the whole picture or quite understand, I am burdened with his heart yearning for His Kingdom to come to earth. He's coming, he's coming, he's coming! His heart says they don't know! They don't know! Tell them! Tell them! That one feels forgotten, tell her I see her! That one feels lifeless, tell Him if he comes to me I can give it to him! That ones feels lost, tell him I have a plan for him! That one feels dirty, tell her She's my princess! Tell them, tell them! Oh tell them because they DONT KNOW! Oh if they would only come to me they would be free, but they don't know! Oh how I want them to know! If they would only come to me! Oh if they would only come to me! I hear him weeping, his longing heart, I want them to be free! They would if they WOULD ONLY COME TO ME!  He sees the small things and turns them into big things. He made seed so that there would be trees. Kingdom. Let the Kingdom seeds be sown. I want to see a forest of Kingdom Trees. Small things. Big things. Seeds . Pregnancy. I am expectant.